--- Drip-Drip -- 381-- SHADOWS ---
I watched her as she lay there in the hospital bed, unmoving, asleep. It was worse than hearing her hoarse, cracked voice try to tell me that she was alive. It was worse than opening that closet door to find her, curled up in the back of the closet, bruised, bloodied, beaten… But alive. Alive, and aware, and fully cognizant of the fact that she was very near death.
Watching her lie there hurt me worse than finding out that Lart had been stalking me for well over four years, and I had never even known.
Bellatrix's chest moved up, moved down, her mouth faintly open-- she breathed. An IV drip-drip-dripped water into her, but watching the water flow in was like watching a leaky faucet drip droplets of water into the sink.
I didn't love her. I didn't, not really. So why did watching her like that fill me with that special kind of anguish? Why did watching her breathe and take in water through a tube burn my insides with that same heart-rending pain I'd felt to learn that Escabares had raped Teresse before he killed her, or that the bullet that went through my chest went into my son, too, and killed him?
I ignored my pain because surely her legs and ribs burned her more than my shriveled, worthless heart could ever hurt. I pulled up a chair and held her right hand in both of my own, and I told her about Lart's execution. Twelve gunmen, twelve live rounds, after a trial by a jury of Dragoons. I told her that I fired the shot that pierced Lart's groin.
I told her everything. I told her why I used to let Sin, that snake she hated, live in my SUV. I thanked her for spending those first six months of our partnership in my apartment, helping me recover from the gunshot that I never thought I would ever get over. I explained to her that I didn't love her, that I didn't lust after her, and that I didn't have to do either.
I informed her, very calmly and politely, that she was mine anyway.
And the IV went drip-drip, the heart monitor went blip-blip-blip, and her chest moved up and down as she slept on.